Today...

Well, this is Stacie writing my first blog entry in quite some time (at least for me). As you know so much has been going on in our family. I am happy to report I got out of the hospital yesterday after nearly a two week stay in that place. On Monday I had the nephrostomy tube pulled from my kidney and after that I started feeling a lot better. Most of it was probably mental, but c'mon, having a tube hanging out of your back isn't all that much fun. Most of my blood work had returned to normal by yesterday morning, so I put on a smile and convinced my doctor to "spring me from the joint". And as fast as he said I could go, my sister Ashli was chucking crap into the car and wheelin' me out of there at lightening speed! It is so great to be out the hospital. I still don't feel 100%, I'm pretty weak and tired, but in good spirits and trying to be positive about this road we are headed down with our new Mary Cate. I got to see my precious baby girl for the first time since she was born. Of course to me she is a beautiful little angel and words can not describe what it was like to see her. She is truly a miracle in every way and we continue to pray that she will keep on fighting to get well.

Dust and I just got back from visiting Mary Cate today. We were able to catch her doctor walking by and he spoke with us about her condition. She is still in critical, but stable condition. He is cautiously optimistic about her long term prognosis. Her main hurdles are still the massive amount of fluid she is retaining in her abdominal area, her kidney function and the clotting factors in her blood. She still continues to receive different blood products on a daily basis and has so many different lines coming out of her little body. She has two PICC lines placed, one in her right arm and one in her left leg, a regular IV in her other arm and an arterial line coming out of her umbilical cord, which they are anticipating on having to pull in the next couple of days and starting an arterial line somewhere else on her little body. She is still on a ventilator, which breathes for her, but if we can just get her to pee off more of the fluid she is retaining and stablize her blood a little more, they tell me that will come out. As you can tell from the pictures today, her swelling has gone down quite a bit from when she was born, but she still needs to lose a lot more. Unlike most premies, her docs are wanting her to lose weight every day and not gain any.

It is so hard as her mother to just sit next to her and not hold her. I feel so helpless just sitting next to her holding her hand trying not to stimulate her too much so she doesn't get upset. It makes me so sad knowing there is nothing I can do to help her get better. Its all in Heavenly Father's time and her own little schedule too. Today I just sat there looking at her and cried for a little while, but its good to let it out now and then and not hold in what I'm feeling. She opened up her eyes and she was looking at me and Dust for so long (or at least we'd like to think she was!). She is even more beautiful with her eyes open. I wish so badly I could've kept her inside of me longer to protect her, but my body was actually making her worse. So now we are at the mercy of the medical profession and feel confident she is getting the best care possible where she is. She has wonderful nurses who care for her with such a gentle touch.

I know with all my heart though, that she is being watched over and protected by angels. I know all of my prayers and yours too help her everyday. The doctor keeps telling me of all the potential set backs and problems she is at risk for, and up to this point at least, she has not suffered any major set backs. She just keeps on fighting and maintaining her status at a slow, but steady pace. Please keep her in your prayers if you remember because she is not out of the woods yet. I love you all for your concern and phone calls and e-mails, please keep them coming.

As long as I'm feeling up to it, I am going to update my blog often so I can look back and see the progress Mary Cate makes every day, so keep checking back as much as you like.